Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Questions To Be Asked During Courtship - Part 1 - Questions 1-6

Since I have become "of age" for marriage and so forth, I have thought a lot about what I would "want" to agree on the most with my future spouse. What would be a hindrance in our marriage and what wouldn't be?What would we need to agree on most? This is my list of questions and reasons. Dedicated first to my parents; because of what they taught me and second, to my future spouse.

1) Do you believe in baptizing children and giving them communion? Including infants? If not, why? 
 {My reasons for believing in infant communion and baptism are this:
Communion "replaced" Passover. During the Passover, all of the family joined in the celebration. Since the whole family joined in the Passover, I believe the whole family should partake of communion. Also, I think that when Christ said: "Hinder not the little children to come unto me", I think it meant at the table too. Something I have always thought about is this: As a child you "want" to be big and be like the adults. We want maturity. Part of the way children become mature is in letting them do big things. Children not taking communion seem to take a much longer time to grasp the concept of Christ in communion. Why would we deny them the gift Christ is and gave?

2) Do you believe that children are a blessing from the Lord? The fruit of the womb his reward? Do you believe in letting God decide how many children we are to have and not ourselves?
   Psalm 127:3-4 "Lo, Children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth."

3) What are some things you would like to keep out of our marriage
  These are some things I would like to keep out of our marriage:
~The television. Over the years, I have noticed that the television divides a lot of family time. I would like this to stay out of our lives so that we can give more time to HIS word, His glory, and our family/ies. This would not be an easy sacrifice for me. But, I believe it is a good one.  Would you agree with this?

4) What is the biblical role for a woman?
     {My view: Women should be a Keeper at Home. They are not have jobs outside of their home unless it is under the headship of her husband.
 Titus 2:3-5 "The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, Keepers-at-Home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed." 

5) Do you believe that the church should be family integrated?
    {The duty of training children was give to the Parents. Not the Sunday School teachers or Children's Church.}

6) As a Father/Husband do you see yourself as the leader and head? Just as Christ is the Head of the Church?
{I believe that a man is the Head. In Genesis 3:16 God is speaking to Eve after The Fall:
"Your desire shall be for your husband; and he shall RULE over you."

These are only the first few questions that I have thought of. I will be posting more. Thank you for reading and I hope you learned some new things or received some ideas for your courtship.



  1. Hmm, good thoughts. But I must debate a little bit on Titus 2:3-5. You pulled that one statement "keeper at home" like it was the only thing in there. I don't think it means a woman's only place is at home. A women should be the keeper of the home, yes. I don't think that means she can't have a job or spend time elsewhere as well. It also says we are to be teachers of good things and how better can we do that than to be out in the community along with our own family.
    Not every husband may want a stay at home wife, at least in the beginning. For example, I found the hard way some of those typical "keeper of the home" activities weren't anything special to Robert. It came as a surprise actually, because after all our talks about the future and children I had assumed it was. It was foreign for me to have someone thing those activities were unimportant.
    One of our first arguments was on this topic because I was spending too much time keeping the house and not enough time "working". That was hard to understand at first, but I'm starting to get it. Even though I'm contributing in some way, he does not value it like I expected him to. Here's why. We both have a "game plan" on life. He works hard to get ahead and he wants me to put in as much time and effort as he does. Unfortunately having the house in tip top shape doesn't make me money and doesn't take all day. It doesn't even matter if I make X amount of money really. So long as it does pay and I put in the effort.
    Now, once we have children, that all changes a bit, because we both value someone caring for and teaching the child at home. We will see how that goes when we get there.
    My point with all that is just to give another perspective. All guys are different and if you find a good one I would be flexible, or at least try to understand their reasons, if it was inside your beliefs.
    It took some arguments before I finally started understanding Robert’s logic and feelings. It wasn't exactly what I was brought up thinking, but I don't mind it now… for the most part. After all, we want to make them happy – it’s just how we are.
    Now, going back… I must say Robert does appreciate a clean house, and is grateful when he has clean clothes etc. It’s just not as important. ;-)
    Just some word from your Aunt to think on. It’s good that you have lists like this. I didn’t know what I wanted. I’m just glad God threw me a good fish!

    1. Jessea,

      I understand what you are saying.. And we should always obey our husbands wishes. But when it comes to things that are VERY biblical -like being a "keeper at home"- we are to obey the the VERY word of God. If our husbands contradict the word of God, then we need to pray for them, plead with them, and show them WHY we must obey God over them. That isn't always easy for the women either. To realize that she has to submit to the word of God over her husband is not always appealing to us. Because our husbands (sometimes) tell us to do worldly things, and it appeals to our flesh.
      On another note, our husbands are OUR provider. We are not the provider.
      In Ephesians it states:
      "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior."
      Also, if you husband wants more money because their is so called not "enough" then who is he worshiping?
      A servant cannot have two masters. Either he worships one or the other.
      This verse can be explained this way: Christ is our head. Which means, HE is our provider. Our husbands, are OUR head, which means THEY are our provider.
      On one hand, I have nothing wrong with a women having her own business inside her home. And neither does the Bible. It is like it says in Proverbs 31:24: "She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes."
      " Our "inhome" businesses are not unbiblical. Although WORKING OUTSIDE of the home under someone else's headship is! As it says it Titus 2, it is BLASPHEMY if this is not done. Something that we have to ask ourselves is this: "Are we going to believe what the bible REALLY says, or are you going to change the "jot and the tittle." Which is more blasphemy.
      Also, I am NOT saying a women should never leave her home. Obviously the Proverbs 31 women left her home, and all through out the New Testament it talks of women outside their home. But they were never working under the headship of another man/outside their home. And those that were, were sinners. Sinners who were forgiven and began to obey what the bible says is the women's role. God made men and women different for a reason. We are made to compliment each other. To have different roles. Men are better at what men do and women are better at what women do. God gave us different roles. Like it says in Genesis: The man shall rule over you. Men are called to be leaders. Women are called to be a help-meet. And how can a women be a help-meet to the man, if she is outside her home working under another man or job?

      On the subject of children. Nothing changes. Marriage was made for bearing children. Not our own earthly pleasures.

  2. I’ll keep this short, because there is going to be a lot of things we don’t see eye to on.

    The Proverbs 31 women was, yes, a keeper of the home, not necessarily AT home like you said. She had a lot of responsibility. It sounds like she sort of managed the “estate” - kind of like in one of Jane Austen’s novels. What stands out to me is “She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar... She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard…. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.”

    Being submissive to your husband doesn’t mean you can’t work for another person for the good of your house – unless your boss’ wishes go against your husbands’ or God. If the bible directly says a women cannot work for anyone but her husband, I would like to see. Were the women you mentioned deemed sinners because they were working for someone other than their husband or because their type of occupation?
    Money is not a question of “enough”. Money is a tool that can be used for good, or evil. Yes, you cannot serve both God and money, but you can serve God through money.
    Proverbs 6:6–8
    "Go to the ant, O sluggard, observe her ways and be wise, which, having no chief, officer or ruler, prepares her food in the summer and gathers her provision in the harvest."

    Marriage was not only made for bearing children. It’s about a lot of things: companionship (genesis 2:18), encouragement, understanding, love (Ephesians 5:25), using your relationship as a “light”, etc.
    Genesis 1:28 God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.